Realise and Accept Who You Are: Step 2 in Craft Your Character

 When I think about self-improvement, it often feels like I’m caught in a paradox. On one hand, I’m pushing myself to become my best self; on the other, I need to accept myself as I am. At first, it seemed contradictory, but over time I’ve come to see that this balance is where the magic lies.

In my journey, I’ve discovered that self-acceptance is just as crucial as striving for growth. If I only chase my ideal self without acknowledging who I am now, I risk leaving parts of myself behind—parts that can eventually pull me back or leave me feeling incomplete.

Take the story of André Agassi, for example. His father groomed him from the age of two to become a world-class tennis player, and he went on to win Wimbledon. But achieving this pinnacle didn’t bring him joy; instead, it led to depression. Why? Because he hadn’t truly connected with or accepted himself beyond his role as a tennis champion. His life path wasn’t one he chose, but one imposed upon him, leaving him unfulfilled even at the height of success.

Facing the Shadows Within

I’ve carried parts of myself that I was hesitant to confront—areas of shame, guilt, or unworthiness that lingered in the shadows. For years, I avoided these parts of myself, focusing instead on the "ideal Cormac" I envisioned. But over time, I realized that true transformation required me to turn inward and confront those hidden aspects.

It hasn’t been easy. Shame, in particular, can be difficult to grapple with. It kept me small, hidden, and afraid to be fully seen. But when I faced my shame—when I stepped into that metaphorical dark cave where the dragon resides—I often found that the dragon wasn’t as fearsome as I imagined. Sometimes, it’s even been a friendly one!

Acknowledging and accepting my shadows has become a foundation for huge growth and transformation. Without this step, any progress I made in the past felt unstable, as if I was building on shaky ground.

The Power of Shared Vulnerability

One of the most transformative parts of this journey for me has been sharing my struggles in safe spaces, such as men’s groups. There’s been a profound liberation in speaking my truth and realizing I’m not alone. Often, others raise their hands and say, “I feel that too.”

Shame thrives in silence, but when you bring it into the open, its power diminishes. This is why working on it with mentors, guides, or in groups can be so impactful. They can provide support, guidance, and the reassurance you aren’t alone in your struggles.

A Cyclical Journey

Self-acceptance hasn’t been a one-and-done process for me. It’s a journey I revisit repeatedly, peeling back layers of resistance and shame. Each time I do, I come away feeling a little lighter and more connected to my true self.

My drive to be willing to face these dark places comes from my desire to live out my mission and reach my full potential. Without a strong sense of mission and purpose to pull you forward and through to the other side, this step can often be avoided and ignored.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re on a journey of self-discovery and transformation, I encourage you to slow down and tune into what parts of you are holding you back. 

If you’d like to dive deeper into this topic, my book Craft Your Character: A Seven-Step Journey to Becoming Your True Self explores this and much more. You can find it on Amazon, or feel free to reach out to me for a copy—I’d be happy to share it with you.